I can’t quite tell what my real feeling is at this point in time?
Could anyone enlightened?
If we could pause the time and take a slice of this “feeling” out and examine?
I guess having not being in a relationship for a long time, I’ve become a little unsure about myself. There have been instances when I have crushes on someone over the years and most of the time they were “imagined” and “idealised”. The assumption was that there’s this initial spark and chemistry, usually one-sided. Why didn’t these crushes materialised? More often than not, I could not keep the feelings grounded. The expectations that were built up, further roused up by friends over drinks, became rather unrealistic, without bothering to find out more about the other party first. And when the reality finally hits the fence, I finally sober up and realise that crush would remain only as mere crush, if I continue to be too airy-fairy about it. I am not living in a hollywood movie, where relationship happens over a drink or over a few simple lines. And I am not Johnny Depp or Eric Bana or whoever. Things are simplified and condensed to that 15-30 minutes of sequence. We fill the rest of the gap, and sometimes (often) we don’t.
So what’s my conclusion? I don’t know. I can’t give a 100% yes as to which I have began to really like this person. So what is it really I am expecting?
I think for the first time I am really putting things on the table, and be who I really am. I’ve exposed myself, not everything yet but I am keeping this very grounded. If I have nothing interesting to say or impressed, I don’t try. If there’s silence, it will be. I don’t flaunt anything that I do not have. I am hoping she does the same. And I can feel that slowly coming out from her. Maybe I should work to fish out more. Still, I feel that there’s an ingredient missing. I dunno what it is.
