December 2009
3 posts
Resolution Twenty Ten
I wish 2010 will a good year for my family. I prayerfully wish my dad remains in good spirit and in good health. And I wish my brother’s band will take off and his career will be successful.
I am thankful for all that has happened and grateful for the faith and trust that London guys have bestowed on me for the company set up, from the initial inertia and uncertainly of set up in the first...
2010
So a decade has come to a close since year 2000. Well I guess it’s quite significant to most people, since this is the first decade of the millenia and it’s probably an easy reference point for someone to look back and reflect. Since I am born in 1981, right at the beginning of a decade, at every turn of the decade, I would be in the late 20s, 30s and so on in the age category. So I...
When was the last time i have felt thoroughly liberated?
I don’t mean carefree and living a life with no rules.
I meant free from my own inhibitions, perceived burden, my shame, my own pettiness. And my sins.
I can’t love cos I am not free to give. I don’t feel love cos I am not able to receive it with open arms when they are have been tied to a tree of burden rooted deep into...
What I have been searching I still have not found them.
Nor have I been happy for more than a moment.
Pursue of love, lust, philosophy, material success
What satisfaction do they bring me.
They come today, gone tomorrow.
I will never be satisfied.
Are You the answer?
But I have failed You so many times with false profession of my belief.
Today I am weary, very weary of all this burden I am...
How do I define success? Is success a state of mind? Or is it defined by other people’s perception, which is usually measured by what’s presented visually and materially?
Sometimes I like to define success as being able to find my inner peace, and the outcome of this are happiness and contentment.
Okay, so we have at least a working definition of success and now we can break things...
November 2009
10 posts
Felt absolutely at peace today at the esplanade library today for that 2 hours: watching the sunset of the city skyline, listening to hopeful retro Eric Moo songs, and reading about Google success story.
sitting by the window
watching the sky glow
red and pink from gold
as the city behold
and flickers into life
like fireflies taking flight
what will I make out of these city walls
iceberg
i clumsily drift
crumbling as i make my way
running aground
A Letter to You
Hello
I hope you have been well lately, no matter how difficult or intense work has been turning out to be.
It’s been two months since I knew you but it does sometimes seems like I had known you for ages somehow. Well without Jana and Jerome, I guess our paths wouldn’t have crossed.
There are some things I wish to tell you. Maybe I could have done so earlier. I don’t know if...
With or Without You
I guess now I am beginning to see a much clearer picture, for my sanity’s and happiness’ sake.
I just have to let it be this way right? What else can I do?
I mean it’s all very simple. Here’s the story:
“A likes B. A ask B out. B agrees. And A and B went out for about 5 dates. A even met some of B’s good mates and got along fine. A thinks B is reciprocating...
Can’t sleep tonight even though its raining steadily outside.
it’s nearly 2 in the morning.
listening to stephanie sun’s song and it brings me back memories of late 2004 whne I was still with J.
It’s been nearly 5 years.
I still haven’t found someone I truely love after her.
i guess perhaps i shouldn’t be too harsh on my dad.
it’s not his fault that things turned out the way it is. he did his best, even though it may not be the best solution.
i regreted saying a few things today.
i guess i am just tired. from work, from ict, from unrequited love (not so bad la but still play a large role in my recent foul; mood), from every other thing. that i wanna...
gotta tell myself the new week’s going to be good. a getaway from work.
it did not matter.
Monday: nothing much happened. worked late again.
Tuesday: nothing much happened. went to the gym.
Wednesday: got pissed drunk at a colleague’s farewell. Downed 6 Tequilla shots in an hour.
Thursday: Spend most morning pissed drunk and had to time out and head home for a nap. Afternoon was surprisingly energetic and things were back to normal. Quincy Hotel was fantastic and posh.
Friday:...
I drunk. Danced my night away. Poured my guts out till there was nothing left in me.
Went to hell and back.
And all I ever thought about was you.
.
Looking back at my life wondering why I hadn’t been more successful than I should probably have been.
When did my life get all mucked up and where was the turning point of me becoming who I am today? - outlook of life, personality, career choice, love etc.
What will the next 10 years be like? Should I surrender to all these facts and let the wind carry me or should I take bold steps to...
October 2009
10 posts
It all seems like a one-way street.
We might as well be strangers.
When we never seem to meet.
Farewell, the sun will unhinge this bleak.
“All I ever wanted these days is to have someone ask me if I am okay at the end...”
I’ve just walked into the wall again. My third time in 5 days. Someone please knock some senses into my head.
it’s such a shame isn’t it. i guess i have to ask myself the hard question sooner or later.
i shouldn’t waste her time i guess.
i am not chickening out. this is not a dare or a bet. this is her happiness at stake.
so time to give up in it? this is it? maybe in another time, somewhere else, it might all work out. we’ll fall in love, marry each other, have children, and...
Lately, she has kind of took a little turn in her response to my messages. It’s a subtle shift into a more platonic, casual and neutral tone.
She seemed to have taken less interest in what I have done and how I am for the day.
I think she likes me or she wouldn’t have spent the time with me but she isn’t sure whether this should develop beyond friendship.
The dust has perhaps...
My Downfall in Relationships and How I Have been...
I knew it all along but I have been trying to curb it.
Horoscope enthusiasts would attribute it to a typical Virgo trait but I think otherwise.
Well I am not sure whether it’s serious enough to call it a “downfall”.
There’s no single word that can describe this trait. It’s a group of inter-connected behaviour.
1. Expectation management. I tend to give a lot into...
how can two peson be so close at one point and yet be strangers later on.
Has this been a one-sided affair along this one way street?
Have I not made my feelings known better than it already has?
Or have you chose not to hid and refuse to see?
Just leading me down the corridor only to leave me in the sea of delusion.
I guess you might have some interest of some sort. But I am quite a goof at reading people when it comes to such matters. So I tried to keep in touch over the next few days through facebook and msn.
I was hoping I didn’t scare you away for being a little too assertive or something. I want to give you space to feel and to think about the possibilities. And asking you out on another date on a...
wish
I wish to have a family at some point in my life. To be able to give happiness and wisdom to my children, and to allow them to experience the wonders of life, no matter how unpleasant life might possibly be.
We can’t choose where and when we are born but we know what we can give for the next generation, nothing other than the best for them. I want my children to grow up in a loving, caring...
September 2009
6 posts
I felt numb sometimes and have sort of stop thinking, wondering and feeling. Curious about human behaviour, like I was when I was in uni. coming up with my own personal theories about why people behave in a certain way. have more empathy. and basically wonder about how would it feel when certain things happened.
This whole emotional curiousity seem to have been diminished. Where has it gone? Am I...
So is she the answer?
The wedding - episode 6
Still at the end of the day, I do believe in the magic and sacrecy of wedding. The union of a man and woman, whose paths crossed by events shaped by fate, overcoming differences and odds, supported by families and friends, the beginning of a new journey and the end of solitude. Yes, call me a romantic, or an idealist. Why do people still believe in it and long for it then?
I am extremely happy...
twenty-eight
day #10220.
I am not counting. Just amazed. I could imagine the creator count from 1 to 10220 with His infinite breath, and here I am becoming who I am. 10119 days ago, I was hardly my present arm’s length and weigh less than a sack of rice. bawling was all I knew. Milk was what I like.
I am thankful at this point that I am blessed with intelligience of a normal person, proper health and...
i think i need a new group of friends who are single. who are willing to be adventurous.
lately i find it hard especially on weekend to have fun. people are married. happily attached. do wholesome family stuff.i mean it’s okay. hey but without being out there, how do i meet somebody new? life hasn’t begun for me!
hah enough of my whinging.
But there’s some truth still. and...
Went out with friends on a stag night last night. It was wild. It was my first time being into such places. Too hot to handle I must say. I now understand how people can carried away and get addicted, ruining their pockets, career and then family.
She has a striking resemblance of my ex girlfriend, in terms of built, the shape of her face, hair, eyes and lips. The sweet look and the softness of...
August 2009
10 posts
seeking balance in life
enough sleep, enough money, enough fun. tis material world. no one is a hermit. no one is spared from the temptation that surrounds us.
does this balance-seeking fundamentally destroy creativity?
i chose to sleep early so i can have energy to work. as oppose to i stayed up a little bit more to write.
i rather hang out with friends as i needed the drinks as its been a...
This restlessness. Like a disease. Creeping up in me. Losing my head.
A teenage affliction one would have thought.
Wondering what life would be in the next decade.
Who will I share it with.
Thinking about lost dreams and lost love.
Thinking about what I haven’t got and what others have.
Green. Envy. Anxiety. Questions.
Fearing that time is ticking away.
Fearing boredom.
Fearing...
happy 62nd birthday to my father.
I hadn’t realise. 62.
sometimes i wonder when can i break free from what i have and doing now to achieve a different level of self.
why am i not feeling confident of myself?
things bogged me down. i wish i could be free from the chains of it all.
how can i help?
i want to be out and live on my own and at the same time able to take care of things at home. i wonder if my brother ever really try to do something useful...
So when does chemistry happens?
Wait? Is it only fair?
Bring back the horses to the fields
“When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain”
– Mark Twain
I can’t quite tell what my real feeling is at this point in time?
Could anyone enlightened?
If we could pause the time and take a slice of this “feeling” out and examine?
I guess having not being in a relationship for a long time, I’ve become a little unsure about myself. There have been instances when I have crushes on someone over the years and most of the time they...
I guess being away from Singapore for a year really opened up my eyes and re-shaped my perspective of a few things that I have always taken for granted.
No doubt we are a young nation still without a long history like Europe or China. Neither do we really have many romantic past to which we could trace our short cultural history to. We are a nation founded on pragmatism and survival. People were...
WHY do things get complicated? Why can’t problems be put across amicably? Why can’t people see eye to eye?
July 2009
7 posts
hello funny old feeling
it’s been a while
if you hadn’t whisper in my ears
i wouldn’t remember it at all
How do we make sense out of this world?
Music.
Corporate Crap
A little waivered, unsettled, my faith somewhat shaken.
A little patronised. Insincerity. Felt like saying something yet I can’t gather my thoughts. Weakened.
Paranoia, panicky, penny wise pound foolish. Picking on small little things.
I could only watch in silence, as my thoughts and vision slipped away.
Silence beget silence. Drowning. Drowned. Silence. Anger. Angrier. Hate....
so what is it i want these days?
i am pretty satisfied with what i do in my job right now. i have been putting in effort to do it well and i hope to carry on without complacency.
but outside of work, i have no clue what i really want to do. every evening when i get home, it’s just feeling of a sense of emptiness.
- fitness. there are thoughts about signing up the gym, which I am going to...
My only regret being not having love enough.
how will you measure me
as i lay down today
by the joy i’d bring to your ears
or by the lies they’d been writing about me
all these years
do i even have the propensity to love someone?
June 2009
12 posts
the island
and then you have the weird one
who ran away
before she could utter the first word
perhaps he was just afraid
she was confused
like many others who did
he slipped with a million things in his head
whines to his friends
his loneliness blamed on luck
and on everything and everyone else but himself
shuts himself
not before others shunned him
sulks himself to sleep
sulks himself to tears
...
perfect love only probably exist in television land and even these days, you find tragedies more often than happiness in tinsel town.
but why do people not understand?
in my grandparents’ time, there’ was not a lot of preconceived notion of what love was about, let alone perfect love. many of them did not have the choices we have these days but did you see them fight, divorce and...